I started the day with full-blown pandemic fatigue. Having the prospect of family visiting for a few hours on Christmas Day snatched away at this stage upset me more than it should. I know how fortunate we are in that we are all healthy and have not been hurt financially by Covid, and I am truly grateful for that, but all the little things are now starting to get to me. I struggle with the inability to make plans, because the rules change frequently and with little notice - my inner control freak doesn't cope well with uncertainty. I'm sad that so many things we had been looking forward to this year, both big and small, have had to be cancelled. Working from home has advantages, but is also very isolating and I struggle with lack of access to things I need, both physically and digitally (I have never been given any tech by my employer and have to use my own laptop, so I can't access files I need). I miss seeing friends and family indoors. While walks and picnics were good in the summer, at this time of year not so much! I miss all the people I haven't seen since March. I am fed up with constantly having to assess risk, with having to make so many decisions about what is safe and what is sensible. I am even fed up of always having to be aware of where people are walking or standing so that I can keep my distance, and having to circle round people at a distance when we go out for a walk. I would just like to be able to turn off my Covid antennae for a while and forget about the wretched thing.
There. That is my moan out of the way. Having grumpily worked my way through that list in my head this morning, I felt better as the day went on. It was a nice, bright morning so we went for a walk around our old canal / woods loop. We have been avoiding the woods because it is so muddy, but decided to chance it today ... and yes, it was very muddy indeed. On Thursday evening I went out playing carols with a small group from the brass band and got home exhausted. Although I am almost completely over the post-viral thing from earlier in the year, every now and then I have an energy crash which takes a day or two to get over. Apparently a couple of hours of walking round in the cold carrying a trombone and a music stand and stopping to blow it at intervals was overload. I was still weary yesterday, and half way through today's walk I started to get more tired than normal, but I got a second wind and managed the full three miles, so hopefully my energy levels are on the way up again.
3 comments:
I have waves of melancholy and fatigue too. Not often, but it comes, natural enough! More on behalf if my son, than for my sake. (i was already mostly homebound anyhow). Such an odd suspended year for an 18yo with a compromised immune system!
Lovely to see your blue sky!! We are all deep gray clouds here ...
I hear you! Part of my melancholy is on H's behalf. The whole thing has had more impact on her life than it has on the rest of us - the end of her time at university crumbled into dust, no graduation, travel plans for her final free summer gone, long spells of isolation and not being able to see her partner (they have been together nearly 6 years and although they are used to dealing with separation this had been a whole new level), starting work remotely on a high intensity job without the usual social support from peers, and all with a background of anxiety on our behalf. I know the health risks for most young people are much lower (obviously it is very different for your son) but they have suffered so much from this wretched pandemic in other ways.
Yes, I feel that (speaking generally!) this pandemic has wrecked the very worst havoc, by age group, on the teens thru early-twenties cohort ... socially, academically, mentally. I think, when all is done and dusted, we will find that this generational lot will be experiencing life-long affects, to one degree or another, that differ in intensity to everyone else ...
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